we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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