Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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