yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize