Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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