Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
