Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
