goodnight i made you a song goodbye
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
