if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
