Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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