covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
