I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
