in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she smelled like a LAN party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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