i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
