at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
