At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
