sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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