I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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