dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
