Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
