Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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