This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Lo siento on account of my penis...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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