I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
