direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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