Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
