I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
