Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
