can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
