My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
