I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
