I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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