Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?

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  (312): How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick? http://tfl.nu/oq47
  Replies (6) Good night (578) Bad night (1580)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.

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  (612): I think tonya harding is in my dwi class! (763): Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce. http://tfl.nu/qgog
  Replies (5) Good night (1003) Bad night (459)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.

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  (413): when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it. http://tfl.nu/zw8b
  Replies (9) Good night (465) Bad night (2057)
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  (619): View more from California

  no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.

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  (619): no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row. http://tfl.nu/cyuc
  Replies (9) Good night (1821) Bad night (845)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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  (201): we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees http://tfl.nu/26hp
  Replies (43) Good night (3017) Bad night (950)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.

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  (575): I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte. http://tfl.nu/ceno
  Replies (24) Good night (4215) Bad night (806)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5235) Bad night (1204)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

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  (972): The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way http://tfl.nu/ldbl
  Replies (22) Good night (5157) Bad night (1429)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now

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  (214): I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now http://tfl.nu/up7f
  Replies (18) Good night (4651) Bad night (1689)
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  (650): View more from California

  Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.

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  (650): Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right. http://tfl.nu/x2bs
  Replies (3) Good night (2693) Bad night (813)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

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  (940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito? http://tfl.nu/3rt4
  Replies (11) Good night (2300) Bad night (504)
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  (650): View more from California

  He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups

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  (650): He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups http://tfl.nu/2ekp
  Replies (4) Good night (1438) Bad night (513)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you

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  (843): Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you http://tfl.nu/1rr1
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (554)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  ...Wow...

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I could be a kindergarten teacher

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  (309): It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life. (1-309): ...Wow... (309): I could be a kindergarten teacher http://tfl.nu/o4tt
  Replies (20) Good night (1283) Bad night (426)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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  (301): A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it. http://tfl.nu/f0y3
  Replies (3) Good night (598) Bad night (201)

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