There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
