He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.