tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.