Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.