you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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