Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
