All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
