dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
