im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
