oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
