if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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