why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
