i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
