Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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