Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
