i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
