my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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