why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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