so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
