i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
