Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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