I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
