is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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