dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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