i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
