Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hippo gnu deer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
