I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
