Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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