In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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