He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
