i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
