11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras