Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart

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(845): i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart http://tfl.nu/aabo

Replies (50) Good night (3349) Bad night (767)
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(530): View more from California

I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS

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(530): I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS http://tfl.nu/jjgj

Replies (36) Good night (5014) Bad night (1426)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.

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(614): I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/za6c

Replies (21) Good night (4900) Bad night (814)
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(323): View more from California

I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?

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(323): I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes? http://tfl.nu/rey6

Replies (16) Good night (1162) Bad night (5221)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

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(970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss

Replies (19) Good night (7452) Bad night (922)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover

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(734): I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/93w3

Replies (1) Good night (1179) Bad night (471)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly

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(330): I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly http://tfl.nu/0xww

Replies (4) Good night (1280) Bad night (596)
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(585): View more from New York

The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.

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(585): The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many. http://tfl.nu/e659

Replies (6) Good night (1200) Bad night (453)
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(734): View more from Michigan

When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

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(734): When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out http://tfl.nu/vrth

Replies (5) Good night (777) Bad night (1325)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Everything smells like blood and olive oil.

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(416): Everything smells like blood and olive oil. http://tfl.nu/qieq

Replies (9) Good night (405) Bad night (1059)
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(734): View more from Michigan

So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.

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(734): So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know. http://tfl.nu/o6il

Replies (2) Good night (1489) Bad night (491)
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(714): View more from California

How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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(714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30

Replies (2) Good night (898) Bad night (301)
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(408): View more from California

MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

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(408): MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE http://tfl.nu/oud3

Replies (2) Good night (596) Bad night (301)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.

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(202): I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever. http://tfl.nu/g05z

Replies (0) Good night (696) Bad night (189)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.

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(586): Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh. http://tfl.nu/lt2m

Replies (3) Good night (445) Bad night (115)

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