You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.