I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
