I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.