Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY