I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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