Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
