roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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