So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
