did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
