we made out on top of his cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
