ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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