Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
