Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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