Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
