Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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