i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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