She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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