If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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