she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ttyl tear gas
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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