i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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