brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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