Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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