I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
