D3 body, D1 cock
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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