A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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