We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
