i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
