While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
